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Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue

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1Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Empty Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:37 pm



Critiques wanted!


I mopped my brow with the front of my shirt, frowning with distaste when I found the crimson fabric to be rather damp. I pushed my shaggy hair out of my face, but stray brown locks clung to my forehead, plastered there by the moisture.

“Uungh,” I groaned miserably, my limbs splayed out over the baking grass. “It's too hot.”

Quit complaining, my companion chided. The barn owl was perched on a barren and dying shrub across from me, her deep purple gaze regarding me sternly but not unkindly.

“I have every right to complain,” I protested. “You can't feel this heat!”

I can sense your displeasure, the owl stated. You know that. You're acting all sour, and it's making it hard for me to concentrate!

“You wanna feel this?” I challenged, handing her the full brunt of the awful heat. Sweet, unfeeling relief flooded through me; consequently, my partner gained the ability to touch.

Aaaaah! she shouted. Take it back, take it back!

“Too much for you?” I asked with a smug grin. I felt her trying to push the sense back to me, but I adamantly refused. I was in control at the moment. “Maaan,” I said with a content sigh, “you guys got it good for times like this!”

Take. It. Back! I gave no response. Please? More silence. Okay, okay, I admit it! You have every right to complain, and I'll stop bugging you!

“That's more like it.” I reached through our mind link and reclaimed the sense. “Now that that's out of the way,” I began, “how have you been progressing?”

Well, until that little interruption, I had been tracking a new scent. This one's a doozy. The target just reeks of soul! My concentration was disrupted, of course, but an anomaly like that shouldn't be hard to latch onto again. We have to find this one as soon as possible, because if it were that easy for me to find, I'd hate to think about how quickly they could find it.

“Mm. Looks like you've got some work to do, Sesria!” Then, in a more serious tone, I added, “I really want to beat them this time.”


I closed my eyes and allowed my thoughts to wander as my friend delved into the depths of the universe.

I've found the target, she announced after a few minutes.

“That was fast. Although, if the scent is as strong as you say it is, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Where are we headed, then?”

Not too far; it's a plane pretty close to the one we're on.

“Alright. Are you ready, Ses?”

As I'll ever be.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and a moment of mental preparation. Closing my eyes, I focused on my soul and the bond between Sesria and me. “Preparing to jump in three.”


“One,” we spoke together.

With a blinding blue and white light and an earsplitting crack, we left the field as empty as we had found it.

2Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Empty Re: Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:12 pm



Wow! This was so great!
It was so well written and the word choice was well thoughtout as well.
By just reading this prologue I can tell the rest of the story would be amazing. The ending just leaves you at a feel of wanting more!
As well as the great writing style I can tell that Peter is a well-developed character, he definitely is not one of those bland characters that leaves the reader feeling bored. He's fun and brings a smile to my face Smile

Awesome job and please please please update me if you write more!

3Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Empty Re: Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:16 pm



Thanks! Very Happy And sure, I'll keep you updated ^_^

4Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Empty Re: Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:43 pm



Yay!! Very Happy

5Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Empty Re: Soulbonders [SCI-FI/FANTASY] Prologue Thu Jun 30, 2011 11:32 am



Ooh, I like it! It's a fun-yet-forboding way to start a story. Kinda reminds me of the movie Mission impossible, where it starts out with the MC just chilling "on vacation," and then WHAM there's a big mission to get to. Keep it up.



Glad you like! Very Happy

It's funny, because here he's actually "on break" (quotes necessary). WHAM big mission! And you'll see just how big that mission is soon enough Wink

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